I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
how does that bad decision feel?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
