I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
