Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I wish there were birth control emojis
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize