At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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