I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
