WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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