You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
