Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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