how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
