do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
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