so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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