So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
