He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
