He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
