You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
