I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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