Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
