your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
as a side note pls kill me
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
