im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
