He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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