whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
