there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
