My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
