the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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