took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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