She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
