so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
