I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
