It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
