I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
