her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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