Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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