Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
