By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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