she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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