Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
