Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
