is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
