I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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