Ambien. No doubt about it.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
