I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Randomize
