Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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