The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
