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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
