just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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