elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i now understand why vodka
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
