we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize