Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
