maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
