Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Sacagawea was the original milf.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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