I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
