i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
