Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize