Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
