my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
