I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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