im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
