I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
