then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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