i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
