I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
