I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
time to smoke my breakfast
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
