I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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