soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
