rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
