he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
