Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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