I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
