I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
