What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
