I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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