He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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