am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The power of my boobs compel you
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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