Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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