So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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