I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
