I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
