is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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